Thursday, August 15, 2013

Calling me back

You call me back again and again—and again.
And I am astounded.
Did you notice the crumpled shirt on the hardwood floor, the papers all over my desk?
Did you scrunch up your nose at my unwashed hair or unfiled nails?
Did you get overwhelmed by the ideas that clutter my head, get whirled around by my racing thoughts?
Did I tell you I have no set, sterling future plans? Might not have witty or entertaining stories? Forgot my line?
No heavy sigh. No tapping foot. No crossed arms. No rolling eyes.
You call me back again and again—and again.
This is what makes me unafraid to come back each time.
Because if I thought I had to be worthy of your call, I would never answer. If I thought I had to be perfect before greeting you, I would never stop getting ready. If I thought I had to come carrying perfectly baked goods or a wrapped gift, I would never knock. If I thought I’d come to a wagging finger, I would settle for where I am.
I come seeking, regardless of my shabby state, because you’re the only lasting peace I’ve ever known. And I will be persistent while knocking on your door because I know you will answer, even if we aren’t on good terms, even if we haven’t spoken in a while, even if my hands are empty, even if I don’t deserve it. I will keep knocking because the world leaves me nowhere else to go, gives me nothing as life-giving, leaves me dirty on the floor, expects more than I can sometimes give. I will keep knocking, knowing that when you open the door, your arms will open even wider—with no squinting glances, no frown, no furrowed brow—only a warm smile, a reassuring gaze and a chest to rest my head on. 

You call me back again and again—and again.  

And so I answer, "I’m coming, Lord. I’m coming."
“And I tell you, ask and you will receive;
seek and you will find;
knock and the door will be opened to you.
For everyone who asks, receives;
and the one who seeks, finds;
and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.”
Matthew 7:7-12